They say Hallmark has a card for every occasion, but we all know that’s not true.

After years now of mixing with the traditional Catholic, homeschool crowd, it has become obvious to me that there is a large (and growing) segment of the population that is underserved by the greeting card industry. So, while the leading companies race to embrace certain other demographic needs (“So you have a new life partner…”) I have decided to launch Tradmark (c), your one-stop place for traditional Catholic greeting cards.

Anybody can make first communion cards, but I provide here just a sample of upcoming items (Front of card first, then the inside):

“To my Goddaughter–On Your Ninth First Friday”

Congrats on your golden ticket,
Heaven awaits you at last,
While your friends were watching T.V.,
You spent your time at Mass.

“With Deepest Sympathies For Your Recent Visit from the Truancy Officer”

We send you our sincere condolences
As you are forced to deal with the local public school.
Next time, don’t answer the door.

“You’re Invited!”

To: A Motu Proprio Party
Where: the Parish Hall
When: Subito
RSVP: to the O’Briens– Thomas, Ann, Theresa, Michael, Damian, Perpetua, Anastasia, Margaret, Benedict, Dominic, Patrick, Felicity and little Mary.

Prizes for best St. Pius V costume. BYOB

“Congratulations on Your Trad Conversion”

You thought you were Catholic, now your family fears for your sanity.
Come on in, the water’s fine!

“Congratulations on Winning the National Spelling Bee”

We knew you could do it! Next up: the Geography Bee.

“Best Wishes for a Speedy Recovery”

Though your sterilization reversal was painful,
May you gain strength in the knowledge that you did the right thing.

“So Your Son Married a Protestant…”

Ouch. That’s tough.
We have you covered in our novena.

These are just some of the early drafts. Feel free to comment with other helpful ideas. All rights reserved.