One of my many faults is the tendency to run afoul of the Vatican’s new safe and sinless driving guidelines. But sometimes tailgating can have its benefits.

Yesterday, for instance, when I was driving home from my paying job, I had the singular good fortune to follow, closely ( I’m nearsighted, too, so watch out) and for some time, a late-model Chevy Metro. You know the car: slightly larger and slightly less ugly than a Yugo. Great gas mileage.

This particular Metro was covered with bumper stickers of the “progressive” variety. And I mean it when I say covered. Three tiers of wonderfully hippie, feminist and [deleted due to pending hate crimes bill] bumper stickers. Ah, the glories of the Sixties were not lost on my commuter friend!

I will list the bumper stickers here, from left to right, top to bottom. Get the mental pictures ready, as some of these stickers are often seen First row:


You know, Never surrender, dude!

This one was just the equal sign, without the red line– this was the closest image I could find.

This was followed by a bumper sticker for a local Democrat candidate (sorry, no image).

Second row:


My personal favorite. I never knew!!

The second row middle was one of these rainbow flag designs, but instead of just this flag, it was a Jesus fish with the rainbow inside it. (Insert involuntary shudder here).

This was followed by a sticker that proclaimed “Priestly Vocations Come in Both Sexes/ Ordain Women” (sorry, no image)

The third row began with the gem “Love Makes Families: Support Gay Adoption” (again, no image). Then:

Coexist, man. Tolerance rules! No hate!

Finally, the bottom right corner of the vehicle was emblazoned with simple, one word sticker:

JESUS.

I asked Him to have mercy on us both.

Now for the quiz. I know I shouldn’t have, but I just had to pass the Metro and peek at the driver. First person to guess approximate age and gender gets valueless prize.