As related in this space before, the Suburban Journals publish a collection of “letters to the editor” in the form of transcribed voice mail messages every Wednesday. This collection of weekly wisdom is published under the name “Town Talk”.

Now, they don’t need me to promote their publication, but because there have been some profoundly anti-Catholic, and highly interesting messages published therein the past several weeks, I hereby make the following announcement:

St. Louis Catholic is proud to present Anti-Catholic Town Talk Wednesday. (With all due respect to my brother, I rejected the title “Talk Anti-Catholic Wednesday Town“).

This week’s installment:

A matter of faith

THIS IS IN response to the person who said that my children are missing out by not going to the Catholic Church. First, I am not retaliating against the church’s refusal to ordain women by not taking my kids there. I am doing what’s best for my kids by not exposing them to a church that treats women like second-class citizens. Second, I do take my children to a church, one where there are women ministers, so they’re not missing out on anything. It amazes me that the Catholic Church does feel that women are not worthy or capable of leading the church and proclaiming the word of God.

Nicely thought out. I can’t disagree: As long as there are women ministers, the lack of the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist is no big deal. I mean, at least these lucky children are not “missing out on anything”.

And this gem:

Excommunicate me?

THIS IS FOR Archbishop Burke. I am a Catholic. I am also a eucharistic minister. I voted for stem cell research. If I could send you my name, would you excommunicate me? Good for me. Then I can join St. Stanislaus. Like tooth and nail, I bet if I donated $50 to $100,000, you would let me say whatever I wanted to say.

Now, the first entry was good, but this one is truly sublime. I can’t see how I could refute this. I mean, taking the last point first, remember how Archbishop Burke was going to resign from the Cardinal Glennon Board for hiring Sheryl Crow? And remember how as soon as Bob Costas reminded him how much money the fundraiser generated, he changed his mind? Right? You mean it didn’t happen that way? But remember how the amendment 2 took care of the moral problem inherent in embryonic stem cell research (that it necessarily requires the murder of innocent children) by simply redefining cloning to be “not cloning”? Well, I am sure the Archbishop would be happy to redefine excommunicated to be “not excommunicated”. Right? And see the brilliance in saying you would give the Archbishop your name yet not giving your name? Sure, it sounds a little cowardly and insincere, but that is only because I can’t comprehend the totality of your point. Nice job.

I highly encourage everyone to read Town Talk. It will cure what ails you.