As my brother would say.  Right to business, from the Town Talk section in the Suburban Journals (as always, grammar and spelling as in the original):

Another excommunication?

I JUST SEEN in the news where this priest from Wheaton, Ill., was just released from prison for having sex with this little boy and he still is a priest.  He was at DePaul Hospital, but from a different diocese.  Is Burke going to excommunicate him like he did with Father Bozek?  Bozek is from a different diocese.  He can’t have it both ways, Burke.

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I don’t think that is why he was released from prison… 
Also, I have it on good information that Archbishop Burke was going to excommunicate this guy, but was discouraged by Bozek’s statement that he himself would be a priest to his dying day.  I guess excommunication just doesn’t work.  He can’t have it both ways, this Town Talk guy.
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Taxing kids

WHAT IS THE cause of all the crazy weather we’ve having?  Global warming and what is the cause of global warming?  Over-population, yet the government doesn’t do anything about that.  One thing they could do is stop rewarding people for having kids by a tax deduction and then eventually tax people who have more than two kids. We have to do something before it’s too late.

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I, for one, am grateful that Al Gore took the time to call our local paper to give his valuable opinion.  On behalf of my wife and eight children, I would like to invite the Vice President to dinner at my mansion, made possible by the largesse of the federal government.