I read a story on Slate (yes, I know, I know) about the “diabolical geniuses behind Subway’s five-dollar foot-long song”. Have you seen this commercial? As the story relates it:

The Spot: Various people and creatures (a police officer, a flight attendant, a Godzilla-type monster) hold up five fingers and then, using their outstretched palms, indicate a distance of roughly one foot. Meanwhile, a song plays. The lyrics, repeated again and again: “Five. Five dollar. Five dollar foot-long.”

I have to tell you, these people are indeed diabolical geniuses. I can’t get this song out of my head, and I believe I can now put myself in Dante’s shoes.

I have seen the ninth circle of hell.

I recommend wearing a St. Benedict medal when watching this clip, because it is a powerful defense against curses. But can it help with this insidious hex? I hum it, sing it, live it, all day long.


Five dollar.

Five dollar foot loooooooooooooooong!

Absolutely brilliant.

Maybe it can only be defeated by prayer and fasting.