Was it just a dream? Or did I appear on Jeopardy! this week?

[dooodly-doot, dooodly-doot, wavy lines…]

“I’ll take State-run Media Headlines for 400, Alex.”

Federal Hate Crimes Cases at Highest Level since 2001



“What happens when you call everything your politically-incorrect opponents do a hate crime and you have no problem using the power of the federal government to persecute them?”


“Headlines, 800.”

“Answer: 22 mid-Missouri people arrested in drug sweep



“What does law enforcement do with billions of dollars of strings-attached government money instead of looking for Bin Laden?”

“Correct, well done!”

“Cool, Alex, let’s do it for 1200.”

(siren blares) “That’s our first daily double!”

“I’ll wager it all, Alex.”

(crowd gasps)

“Answer is: Drunk 4-year Old in Drag Steals Christmas Presents.”


“3 seconds”

“What is evidence of the first homework assignment of Safe-schools Czar Kevin Jennings’ preschool program?”

“Correct! Nicely done! And that puts thetimman in the lead as we head to our first commercial break. Now a word from Metamucil…”