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Category Archives: humor

Not Me

16 Thursday Mar 2023

Posted by thetimman in General Catholic News/Opinion, humor

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Well, anyway, not after Lent:

Most Americans fear expressing political, religious views at work: Poll

I posted this because the headline made me laugh— my spiritual director suggested that for Lent I should refrain from giving my opinion unless it was asked for. See, he gets me. After I ended one laughing jag he “explained” how it’s really a penance for everyone else who are otherwise “deprived of my wisdom!” That’s when I lost it and laughed my fool head off.

____________

Since you asked, I highly recommended a good spiritual director who can call you out when required.

Happy International Women’s Day

08 Wednesday Mar 2023

Posted by thetimman in General Catholic News/Opinion, humor, peregrino posts

≈ 1 Comment

Here is a photo of my beloved wife celebrating International Women’s Day in Spain in 2018. Her use of a washboard to clean clothes shows her solidarity with that chick in American Gothic.

Kinda makes my eyes mist over…

Love the Bee

27 Monday Feb 2023

Posted by thetimman in humor

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I Thought My Lenten Plan Was Complete

22 Wednesday Feb 2023

Posted by thetimman in housekeeping, humor

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(The moment the Cup window ended, alas)

Until I realized that watching the current Blues roster in action will be quite the unintended penance of the next six weeks.

Wishing you all a blessed and holy Quadragesima. Oremus pro invicem.

Transcript from the Very First Synod Listening Session

07 Tuesday Feb 2023

Posted by thetimman in General Catholic News/Opinion, humor

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[1] And the people seeing that Moses delayed to come down from the mount, gathering together against Aaron, said: Arise, make us gods, that may go before us: for as to this Moses, the man that brought us out of the land of Egypt, we know not what has befallen him. [2] And Aaron said to them: Take the golden earrings from the ears of your wives, and your sons and daughters, and bring them to me. [3] And the people did what he had commanded, bringing the earrings to Aaron. [4] And when he had received them, he fashioned them by founders’ work, and made of them a molten calf. And they said: These are thy gods, O Israel, that have brought thee out of the land of Egypt. [5] And when Aaron saw this, he built an altar before it, and made proclamation by a crier’s voice, saying: Tomorrow is the solemnity of the Lord.

[6] And rising in the morning, they offered holocausts, and peace victims, and the people sat down to eat, and drink, and they rose up to play.

Exodus 32:1-6

First Day at My New Job Editing Matt Gaspers’ Twitter Post Headlines

28 Saturday Jan 2023

Posted by thetimman in General Catholic News/Opinion, humor, pope v. antipope

≈ 1 Comment

I grabbed the link from Frank Walker at Canon 212, as I am not on Twitter. But, here is my first effort:

“Can an Antipope Ban the Latin Mass?: Five Quotes”

There, Matt. I fixed it for you.

20 Tuesday Dec 2022

Posted by thetimman in housekeeping, humor

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Man of Action

10 Thursday Nov 2022

Posted by thetimman in humor, trying to salvage something of western civilization

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“Next day Apthorpe reported: “Things are looking worse.”
It showed how much the thunder-box had occupied Guy’s thoughts that he at once knew what Apthorpe meant.
“More intruders?”
“No, not that. But this morning as I was coming out I met the brigadier going in. He gave me a very odd look—you may have noticed he has rather a disagreeable stare on occasions. His look seemed to suggest that I had no business there.”
“He’s a man of action,” said Guy. “You won’t have to wait long to know what he thinks about it.”
All day Apthorpe was distracted. He answered haphazardly when asked an opinion on tactics. His solutions of the problems set them were wild. It was a particularly cold day. At every pause in the routine he kept vigil by the hut. He missed tea and did not return until ten minutes before the evening lecture. He was red-nosed and blue-cheeked.
“You’ll make yourself ill, if this goes on,” said Guy.”

“It can’t go on. The worst has happened already.”
“What?”
“Come and see. I wouldn’t have believed it, if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.”
They went out into the gloom.
“Just five minutes ago. I’d been on watch since tea and was getting infernally cold, so I started walking about. And the brigadier came right past me. I saluted. He said nothing. Then he did this thing right under my very eyes. Then he came past me again and I saluted and he positively grinned. I tell you, Crouchback, it was devilish.”
They had reached the hut. Guy could just see something large and white hanging on the door. Apthorpe turned his torch on it and Guy saw a neatly inscribed notice: Out of Bounds to all ranks below brigadier.
“He must have had it specially made by one of the clerks,” said Apthorpe awfully.
“It’s put you in rather a fix, hasn’t it?” said Guy.
“I shall send in my papers.”
“I don’t believe you can in wartime.”
“I can ask for a transfer to another regiment.”
“I should miss you, Apthorpe, more than you can possibly believe. Anyway there’s a lecture in two minutes. Let’s go in.”

“The brigadier himself lectured. Booby-traps, it appeared, were proving an important feature of patrol-work on the western front. The brigadier spoke of trip-wires, detonators, anti-personnel mines. He described in detail an explosive goat which he had once contrived and driven into a Bedouin encampment. Seldom had he been more exuberant.”

“This was one of the evenings when there was no discussion or night exercise and it was generally accepted that those who wished might dine out.
“Let’s go to the Garibaldi,” said Apthorpe. “I won’t sit at the same table with that man. You must dine with me as my guest.”
There, in the steam of minestrone, Apthorpe’s face became a healthier color and strengthened by Barolo his despair gave place to defiance. Pelecci leant very near while Apthorpe rehearsed his wrongs. The conversation was abstruse. “Thunder-box,” an invention of this capable officer’s, unjustly misappropriated by a superior, was clearly a new weapon of value.
“I don’t think,” said Apthorpe, “it would be any good appealing to the Army Council, do you?”
“No.”
“You could not expect them to meet a case like this with purely open minds. I don’t suggest positive prejudice but, after all, it’s in their interest to support authority if they possibly can. If they found a loophole…”
“You think there are loopholes in your case?”
“Quite frankly, old man, I do. In a court of honor, of course, the thing would be different, but in its purely legal aspect one has to admit that the brigadier is within his rights in putting any part of the brigade premises out of bounds. It is also true that I installed my thunder-box without permission. That’s just the sort of point the Army Council would jump on.”
“Of course,” said Guy, “it’s arguable that since the thunder-box has not risen to the rank of brigadier, it is itself at the moment out of bounds.”
“You’ve got it, Crouchback. You’ve hit the nail right on the head.” He goggled across the table with frank admiration. “There’s such a thing, you know, as being too near to a problem. Here I’ve been turning this thing over and over in my mind till I felt quite ill with worry. I knew I needed an outside opinion; anybody’s, just someone who wasn’t personally implicated. I’ve no doubt I’d have come to the same solution myself sooner or later, but I might have worried half the night. I owe you a real debt of gratitude, old man.”

Excerpt From
Sword of Honor
Evelyn Waugh

“It was two days after the fall of Finland that his troubles began.”

09 Wednesday Nov 2022

Posted by thetimman in humor, Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

Leaving behind forever the ~ahem~ beep show of yesterday’s selections, I will now post some excerpts about a related topic from Evelyn Waugh’s brilliant Sword of Honour trilogy. Specifically, the story arc of the rise and fall of the mysterious thunder-box belonging to Lieutenant Apthorpe. It comes from the first book, Men at Arms, Chapter 3, “Apthorpe Furibundus”, After toting around and finally installing his device to the unending and ironical amusement of the hero, Lt. Guy Crouchback, Apthorpe realizes the brigadier general has taken a fancy to it. A struggle for control ensues:

__________

“For two days Apthorpe posted himself in the bushes near his shed and spent every available minute on watch. On the third day he drew Guy aside and said: “Crouchback, I owe you an apology. It isn’t you who has been using my thunder-box.”
“I knew that.”
“Yes, but you must admit the circumstances were very suspicious. Anyway, I’ve found out who it is, and it’s most disturbing.”
“Not Sarum-Smith?”
“No. Much more disturbing than that. It’s the brigadier.”
“Do you think he’s got clap?”
“No. Most unlikely. Far too much a man of the world. But the question arises, what action ought I to take?”
“None.”
“It’s a matter of principle. As my superior officer he has no more right to use my thunder-box than to wear my boots.”
“Well, I’d lend him my boots if he wanted them.”

“Perhaps; but then, if you’ll forgive my saying so, you’re not very particular about your boots, are you, old man? Anyway you think it my duty to submit without protest.”
“I think you’ll make a tremendous ass of yourself if you don’t.”
“I shall have to think about it. Do you think I ought to consult the B.M.?”
“No.”
“You may be right.”

Gary Larson with an Insight into the Collapse of the American Education System?

19 Wednesday Oct 2022

Posted by thetimman in humor, we’re beeped

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From The Far Side, of course. Who knew?

Actually, as an insight, to me, the best clue is the word both.

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“YOU ARE THE ONES WHO ARE HAPPY; YOU WHO REMAIN WITHIN THE CHURCH BY YOUR FAITH, WHO HOLD FIRMLY TO THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE FAITH WHICH HAS COME DOWN TO YOU FROM APOSTOLIC TRADITION. AND IF AN EXECRABLE JEALOUSY HAS TRIED TO SHAKE IT ON A NUMBER OF OCCASIONS, IT HAS NOT SUCCEEDED. THEY ARE THE ONES WHO HAVE BROKEN AWAY FROM IT IN THE PRESENT CRISIS. NO ONE, EVER, WILL PREVAIL AGAINST YOUR FAITH, BELOVED BROTHERS. AND WE BELIEVE THAT GOD WILL GIVE US OUR CHURCHES BACK SOME DAY.”

— ST. ATHANASIUS

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