Carl Reiner, RIP

I note with sadness the passing of Carl Reiner, one of the funniest comedians who ever lived. A genius, for whom I pray that he embraced the only faith that can save before he died. Our Lady has worked greater miracles than that. Also, now that he has passed, we will not fault him for his unfortunately less funny and way more obnoxious son, for whom we also pray.

To celebrate his genius, i will post here a couple of clips from his greatest film, Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid, starring one of the few men in the world funnier than he was:

The Foolishness of Trying to Say “I Told You So” to My Wife or, Mass in the Grass Revisited

Ah, strange days. It occurred to me today that I finally had a chance to be smarter than my lovely wife. Foolish thought indeed.

You may recall that in the past I posted about my wife’s reaction to the local parish’s annual “Mass in the Grass”, which was held for some reason a mere 100 feet from the doors of their consecrated church building. The money line from Sharon: “Mass in the Grass? The only way I’d go to that is if I had smoked it!”

Well, in light of the current prohibition of public Masses and the obvious, but for some reason untried, health order-compliant solution of outdoor Masses, I thought my moment of triumph had come at last.

“Hey,” I said to my wife, ” Remember when you said the only way you’d attend Mass in the Grass is if you had smoked it? Well, I guess now you’d go without having smoked it.”

Boom. Roasted? Alas, it was not to be. Her immediate reply:

“Well, I guess I still must have been smoking it if I went to the novus ordo.”

Who shall find a valiant woman? far and from the uttermost coasts is the price of her.—Proverbs 31:10

“Prison officials ‘fear Harvey Weinstein may try to kill himself like Jeffrey Epstein…”

I’m sorry to interrupt my Lenten post but I Just. Could. Not. refuse to post this amazingly wonderful headline from a story at the Daily Mail. You mean, Harvey Weinstein, a sexual predator powerbroker among powerbrokers in the perverted world of Hollywood could ‘kill himself’ JUST LIKE JEFFREY EPSTEIN?!!!!!

Oh, Irony! Don’t make me spit coffee all over my computer and have to buy a new one.

Yeah, maybe he will get the Vince Foster Seth Rich Jeffrey Epstein treatment.

Weinstein needs prayers. First, of course, for repentance and conversion to the Catholic faith. But also for his safety. He knows a lot. A lot.

The Sacramental of a New Religion

No, your eyes do not deceive you. This photo, courtesy of my lovely wife, shows the presence of a jug of hand sanitizer in the holy water font at a Catholic chapel located here in the Archdiocese of Saint Louis. My poor wife suffered through a Mass riddled with abuses, among others where the congregation were instructed to remain in their seats for Communion so that the ministers could bring it to them while seated.

But nothing speaks a thousand words like a picture.

There were no other holy water fonts– in other words, there was no holy water for the faithful to use. Just the hand sanitizer, which my wife reports was used without hesitation, and vigorously.

People have no idea what they’ve lost. So no wonder churches are closing, and Catholics fail to stand against the evil tide. They have been abandoned, and they no longer care.

Well, that’s depressing. Maybe a caption contest will lighten the mood. I’ll give a few starters:

Holy Hand Sanitzer, Batman!

Notice: regardless of the coronavirus, holding hands during the Our Father WILL BE ENFORCED. –The Management.

Guaranteed to eliminate 99.943% of the smell of the sheep!

Chins up, readers, Lent begins tomorrow. God bless.

Lent— Overture

In prep for tomorrow’s scheduled post, I present this classic repost about sands in the holy water font, courtesy of my lovely wife.

Tulsi Gabbard on Suicide Watch

Or at least we must assume so, having filed a defamation lawsuit against Hillary Clinton for, well, having defamed her.

Of course, with Hillary involved, we are left to wonder whether Gabbard will commit suicide by shooting herself twice In the back of the head, having herself abducted and ending up in a river, or being robbed and shot by someone else. Although, I guess in light of Epstein’s suicide, she could just allow herself to be strangled by someone else.

We’ll just have to wait and see.

Just to cover my bases here, please know I am not depressed, not suicidal, nor do I do drugs. And I have no real evidence that Hillary is a murderer, so no need to silence any potential testimony. Realy, Hillary, this is a satirical post and I meant nothing by it. Please, please leave me alone. Thanking you inadvance.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I Present to You the Timeline of a Trad Catholic Family

One more photo to go, I guess.

I Must Say, I’m Impressed

I finally got around to reading the hit piece on the Traditional Mass recently published at the “National” “Catholic” “Reporter”. Seems to be causing quite the ruckus. I loved it! I never laughed so hard in my whole life!

I had not realized that NCR loved the Traditional Mass so much as to publish the greatest satire piece ever written, pointing out the idiocy of the enemies of the Mass. absolutely brilliant.

Has anyone checked to see if NCR has been bought out by Babylon Bee?

Things Are Not Always What They Seem

I share this photo of a painting I saw in Vienna’s Albertina Palace. It purports to be “Promenade in Arcueil” by Lyonel Feininger. But I wasn’t fooled.

This is nothing other than a painting of George Washington admiring the Constitution, while a young King Lincoln, unnoticed by the father of our country, plots to destroy it.

The Twelve Days of Francismas

You know the tune, you know the lyrics. But just as Francis has changed the Our Father, so too has he now given us a less rigid, more merciful Twelve Days of Francismas:

(Skipping to the last verse…)

On the twelfth day of Francismas, the Francis gave to me:

Twelve airplane pressers

Eleven lectures given

Ten Tobin tweets

Nine toady counselors

Eight drug fueled orgies

Seven suppressed trad orders

Six Francis-saints

Five…Unanswered… Dubia!

Four Dubia Cardinals

Three days of darkness

Two living popes…

…And the fulfillment of the Fatima prophesy!

Merry Francismas, everybody!